So I guess I'll write again already... I'm kinda bored, just got up from a nap (yay) & don't want to read Psych (which is horrible of me but whatever I'll catch up this weekend, right?) and I don't have to leave for class for another hour or so...
I just remembered alot of things I left out in last night's entry... first of all, it is great here (@ school) and everything, things are fine, but I truly don't think it's the right place for me. It's not so much that I regret deciding to go here, it's a great school, arguably the best I got into and I also know that if I would've gone to my 2nd choice I might've been thinking this would be better anyway...
It's just that I know it isn't where I'm supposed to spend the next four years. I can't really explain it but I've always trusted my instincts about these things... when I meet someone or go somewhere I just know whether or not it's right. For me. Somehow.
It's not like I'm miserable or anything & there are alot worse places I could spend four years, I know, but... huh. That's just it, this isn't me I guess on a broad scale. And there are a bunch of little funny things that are just like soo obvious why I don't belong here...
The whole agricultural thing, ha. The fact that there's basically no freaking shopping anywhere. The cold, rainy weather which is coming soon apparently (very lame of me I know, but I'm sorry, San Diego spoiled me). How so many people here are into skiing & snowboarding & rock climbing & all that outdoorsy stuff (haha)... It's really far from home...
Those aren't like, reasons why I think I shouldn't stay here though. They're just kinda funny random things I should've realized sooner, but whatever. And I know however long I do spend here, I will learn so much and it will absolutely not be a waste of time at all.
Anyway I'm done justifying how I feel about this... I know, and that's all that matters, right? So now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do...
Worst case scenario (& most likely) is I'll have to stay here for two years and then transfer. But maybe I can do a semester abroad next year and make it more like 1.5 yrs... still not sure if I want to do both (sem. abroad and transfer right after), so...
Totally wish I could transfer as a sophomore but I don't think that's much of an option, atleast anywhere I'm looking at... Anyway, don't worry. I'm definitely going to make the most of the time I do spend here, however long that ends up being. Maybe I'll change my mind too ;) ha.
I'll finish this later, gotta get ready for class...
"Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's okay to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you?
What it feels like for a girl
Silky smooth
Lips as sweet as candy, baby
Tight blue jeans
Skin that shows in patches
Strong inside but you don't know it
Good little girls they never show it
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak?
Do you know what it feels like for a girl
Do you know what it feels like in this world
For a girl
Hair that twirls on finger tips so gently, baby
Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting
Hurt that's not supposed to show
And tears that fall when no one knows
When you're trying hard to be your best
Could you be a little less?
Do you know what it feels like for a girl
Do you know what it feels like in this world
What it feels like for a girl
Strong inside but you don't know it
Good little girls they never show it
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak?
Do you know what it feels like for a girl
Do you know what it feels like in this world
For a girl
In this world
Do you know
Do you know what it feels like for a girl
What it feels like in this world..."
- Madonna "What it Feels Like for a Girl"
god, i love love love this song... didn't even realize how true it was until recently...