Another good day. Eating was pretty much 'perfect' & I did the 20m Pilates dvd. I think this week will go Mon., Thurs., & Fri. - 1 hr. & Tues., Sat. - 20 min. Tomorrow & Sunday off. It's funny how compared to some of the diaries I read that's like, nothing. But it's kind of alot for me to go thru a full hour of working out in general... I don't love it. Sometimes I want to do it more than other times, and it pretty much always ends up being not as bad as I thought it would be, but honestly, I am always happy when it's over. I guess I'm just not one of those exercise people, which is unfortunate, but fine. The only exercise I love is dance, and that's hard. Because, umm, I don't exactly have a studio in my house! (Oh my God, how cool would that be though?!) And I graduated from my studio at the end of June, and basically I can't really just go join a new one for 3 months, so. Anyway I guess I do like the Pilates. And I'm really curious to see how good the results will actually be in a month or so ;)

So the scale was being lame again this morning. It's still the period I think. I hope. We'll see I guess. I'm just so scared that I'm never going to get down to 145. Once I'm there, I'll be okay 'cause I can actually remember that weight (from last summer - yeah like 2 weeks of it) & I have pics, and I know it's not perfect, but I looked so much better & my clothes were like falling off of me, etc. Plus then it'll just be the last 10 lbs or so and I feel like I can handle that... alot less overwhelming than 25...

So I am going to Ikea tomorrow with my mom! The second attempt at dorm shopping, ach. No, I think it'll be okay. It can't be as bad as last time atleast, right? lol. But I went thru the catalog and cut my list down to what I'm getting @ Ikea only. The main list is insane, no wonder I was overwhelmed. I have stuff like paperclips and shampoo on it... literally every minor detail, which is good because I don't want to forget anything, but, I can see why I freaked out ;) I'll just have to make new lists for every trip - like Target, Staples, etc.

Oh my gosh I love Staples. I'm such a dork, such a dork I know, but school supplies are like, my favorite thing ever. I <3 back to school. It really doesn't take much, guys... yeah. That really is the greatest though. I love desks and offices and I TA'ed for 2 years not just because I loved the teacher, but also because I adored taking over his desk and basically being his secretary for an hour (or usually more) a day. Seriously, though - because I was really good friends with the teacher (I'm talking about Jerry here for the regulars, ha) I would do stuff like schedule appointments for him and organize his car payment stuff... Once there was this whole thing with getting his car repaired and I had to call all these people and sort out these faxes and whatnot. haha. And I did a million grade reports for him, even though he would have to sign that he completed it himself, lol.

That was so much fun, I adored helping him with all that stuff. And he completely trusted me with everything and I just loved that so much. He would just give me his car keys during class and tell me to grab a CD he wanted me to hear. Stuff like that. That was always fun, going to the teacher's parking lot and going thru his stuff (not how it sounds!) while other teachers are looking at me like... wait, what the hell are you doing?

Hah. Sorry I'm thinking about Jerry so much. It's because I was looking something up in my Freshman yearbook and I ended up chronologically reading all of his signatures in my yearbooks throughout high school. It was cute. And he's the sweetest person I've ever known, everything he wrote was so sincere and perfect and totally meaningful. And, okay this is the dorkiest thing ever, but you know in "Bring it On" when Kirsten Dunst yells in the hall at the cute guy "You believed in me! That meant something..." (right?) Yeah that's totally how I feel. And I think it was my soph. book where he wrote "I can tell you that it's hard deciding what you want to do, but you have the luxury of, without a doubt, actually getting wherever it is you want to go..." Which is so what I need to hear right now!!

You want to hear the worst thing ever? Alright, so Brenna I've been friends with since middle school, but we got really close last year especially as she got me through all of my friend drama and basically she is the most real, wonderful girl that I know. She's so smart, sweet, honest, funny. She totally reminds me of Rory (Gilmore Girls). But anyway, basically I've come to realize that she and Jerry are really the only ones who I am going to really work at staying good friends with after I leave. (A few weeks ago Kelsie told me she would call me "tomorrow" and I never heard from her again, which just solidifies the not-so-great image I've had of her for months now, and I can't bring myself to put so much effort into being friends with someone like that, how could a real friend hurt me so many times? So I'll call her in Sept. to see if she wants to say goodbye before I leave, but until then I'm saying... this is why I'm not going to try so hard with her).

Anyway, back to Brenna. So she has been overseas since like the day after graduation and she's coming home on the exact day I leave for New York. :*( And I just found out she'll being moving into her dorm the day that I get back home! God, bad luck, right? Ugh. I'm so bummed about this... I mean she's going to school down here so we can still see eachother before I leave and everything, but I guess I thought we would have a couple weeks to hang out... And by the time we talk again she'll already be at college, so. Yeah, it just wasn't the best news ever, but it'll be okay. :

So wish me luck with dorm shopping adventure #2 and with staying on track for another day!

"She sits all alone reading books and drinking wine
Admires all the cracks by the doorway
She tries to look happy but she's slowly running out of smiles
Gracefully wasting away

Who is gonna make the birds sing?
Who is gonna be her everything?
Everyday goodbyes

She foolishly tries to convince herself that she'll be fine
She blows all her kisses to no one
As the phone rings again, she just closes her eyes
She covers her ears and screams 'please not today'

Who is gonna make the birds sing?
Who is gonna be her everything?
Everyday goodbyes

She cries and then she sighs
And gets down on her knees yelling 'I don't believe what has happened to me'
She cries and then she sighs
And gets down on her knees yelling 'I don't believe what has happened to me'

Who is gonna make the birds sing?
Who is gonna be her everything?
Everyday goodbyes..."

- Maroon5 "Everyday Goodbyes"