Oh my gosh it's really kinda dead around here, huh? But even though I don't have that much to talk about... damn it, I'll write anyway :)

So, weightloss. I think the last time I updated things were about 155.5, right? Well that was the lowest I got... I just kinda slacked off & prety much didn't exercise once last week. I don't know what happened, it was really lame. So I got back on track this week, but unfortunately had/still have to make up for the "break" - meaning I almost gained it all back (I know) and now I'm around 157-158. So basically in the past 2½ weeks I've gone from 161.5 to 155.5 to 160.0 to yeah, this. Blah. But whatever it's not that big of deal, I won't mess up like that again, for sure. I'll get down there again.

I really just have this urgency to get to 145 now. That was the lowest I got last summer, and I was looking at some of the pictures from around then (in New York) and I looked pretty cute. None of the skirts I bought @ like H&M and Bloomingdales from that trip remotely fit me anymore either. I don't think they ever fit again after I got back, actually. Huh.

So now I am going back (to NY) and I really, really want to be there again (@ 145). But I only have exactly two weeks before we leave and I'm not even back to 155!! Well anyway I'll try. I'll try and get there in 2 weeks and even though that's pretty much impossible, what the hell, why not? Even if I'm just close... atleast it's closer than this :)

It's really not that bad, I'm pretty much alternating days of eating less & more (which is still alot less than before), and my current Pilates routine is 5 days a week - "Accelerated Body Sculpting" (1 hr) 3x/week and "20 Minute Workout" 2x/week. I hope that will be okay.

I've been trying to keep myself occupied with things other than food, because, you know, I get a little bored doing nothing. So I got a couple of books, both about anorexia. Yeah, I have this really weird obsession with books about anorexia. It's really, really unnerving & I know that but I just love them. I've read so many... I'll basically read anything related to eating disorders but I especially love biographies and diaries of anorexics. The first one was Tracey Gold (from "Growing Pains")'s bio, which I finished in like a couple hours. It was okay - the problem with these books is that girls who actually have anorexia will read them to get ideas (which is exactly what I did when I was 15, and it's totally true & horrible, but now that I'm not in that mindset anymore, I really want the full details, you know?) So she's like really vague about the anorexia & way too in depth about her family. Eh. The one I'm reading now is pretty good, supposedly the diary of an 11 year old which is totally bullshit & it was in the biography section.. ha, yeah right. But it's alright, I'm not too far yet, I'll let you know.

I have also gotten a little enamored with "Forensic Files" and "Cold Case" - basically true murder solving shows, which I'm a little nervous about. I just learn so much from them, and I don't think I should know this much about how to kill someone and get away with it, you know? lol I'm kind of kidding... but I am getting a little addicted to them, which is kinda like, okay... wait, why? They're all (seriously) about young women murdered by either their husbands, their boyfriends, their neighbors, or their rapists. It's really great, no, I feel like every other girl in this country gets raped & murdered, and I totally check every room upstairs before I go to bed, but it's fine... not paranoid or anything. Ugh, it's horrible.

You know what else? How fucking cool is John fucking Mayer? I'm so jealous of all the concerts he's done since mine... I'm reading the setlists and I'm like, uh, not fair! He does Kanye West outros. Oh my god, just, ahhh. How awesome would that be? Mayer doing "Jesus Walks" ?? Are you kidding me? And everybody's all getting "Neon" and "Only Heart" and "LA Song" and "Spilt Screen" and "Wind Cries Mary" and "Seniorita" call backs... I know, I just want every song he has. And I did get an amazing set too, I just want to go back!

"I can feel your body
When I'm lying in bed
There's too much confusion
Going around through my head

And it makes me so angry
To know that the flame still burns
Why can't I get over?
When will I ever learn?

Old love, leave me alone
Old love, go on home

I can see your face
But I know that it's not real
It's just an illusion
Caused by how I used to feel

And it makes me so angry
To know that the flame will always burn
I'll never get over
I know now that I'll never learn

Old love, leave me alone
Old love, go on home"

- Eric Clapton "Old Love" (covered by John Mayer)