So I totally went to Target again today. lol except I didn't buy anything, I just had to take my brother to get a couple birthday presents.

I'm freaking out about registering for classes for college. They have this summer thing where most people do that, but I'm not going. Because I'm apparently retarded and totally selected the wrong major, wrong college. Yeah. And they're so hardcore that I'm not allowed to not go with that college, so in protest I decided not to go at all. Which in turn screwed me over. But doesn't it always work out like that?

Yeah so I guess I have an online appointment on Aug. 13 @ 4:00 to register. Uh huh, I will definitely be in New York. Maybe if everything wasn't such a struggle with this school I could be a bit more confident in my decision to go there! Aaah! Okay so, no, that's fine, I'll bring a laptop or find an internet cafe or go to the Apple store & pretend I'm testing out a computer, whatever, but... what the hell do I sign up for? I'm so lost. I'm such the lost freshman and I haven't even started school yet. Sigh.

I know I probably just have to go to the website and figure it all out... just kinda overwhelming you know?

I've been having these weird anxiety dreams about graduation. Not like "I graduated high school, now what?" or anything, literally like the grad. ceremony. I'm late, I'm not wearing shoes, my hair's not done, I forgot to put my earrings in and my mom won't give me the cute ones she bought for my birthday even though it is actually my birthday. I can't find the right line, I don't understand the alphabetical order, my sister is crying because she doesn't know what to wear... yeah. I mean I graduated 2 weeks ago and I'm freaking out about it now. I guess in a way it is kinda obvious... apprehension about being done with high school and moving on, what have you. But it's like, stressful having these dreams. And believe me. I don't need stress taking up my precious hours of TV watching and Target shopping these days.

But I so love that I'm done with high school. It's not like it was that bad or anything, just friendship hell towards the end there, but you know. ehhh. I'll wait until I get a little more distance from it to go on though...

I really want a boyfriend. Seriously when all you do is watch TV, what else is there? Well maybe that's because I watch "A Dating Story." But really. And Ashlee Simpson's show, he's like her cute friend and then she just kisses him and it's all romantic. God, maybe if I had like solid friendships I wouldn't feel like I'm missing something so much. No... it's okay. I have a few friends, and they're great, really. I just so badly want some kind of real relationship, you know? Like a real best friend. Like a boyfriend. I don't know. I guess it makes it easier to focus on myself this way, I can just be all dedicated to losing weight and figuring all my stuff out... whatever.

I really want to try and finish my "50 things I want to do" list so I can post it up here. And then you guys can all make one too and I can read yours :) I'm totally curious. Oh I haven't decided if that's a bad thing yet, being such an observer, people-watcher & all. I just love reading diaries, watching the reality shows where people are just living their lives... Real World, Newlyweds, Ashlee Simpson, etc. huh. I hope it's not because I'm so boring that I have to live vicariously thru other people, but if this summer is any indication of that... well it's not looking good. Yeah, we'll figure that out.

"You got me crazy
Just to look in your eyes
Still it's not easy with you around
If we could start it all over again
I wouldn't change a thing, no...
Maybe this,
Maybe just make the days twice as long
Make the weeks twice as long..."

- Dave Matthews "Crazy Easy"