So I quit my job today. I couldn't sleep last night and I was just thinking... why the hell am I working there? I have never once actually enjoyed it. I always dread it and it always sucks and it's not like I need a job so desperately that I should stay... plus I wasn't exactly banking on my 2 days a week (part time hours at that) schedule, lol. So I called my boss this morning and I don't even have to work this weekend, I'm totally done! He was kinda bummed 'cause I was one of the better employees, but screw that I don't even care! That's right, because I'm hardcore like that, damn it...

One thing though - he said he didn't have a check for me and that he would just take me off the payroll then, but does that mean I'm not getting paid for last weekend? It didn't even occur to me until I hung up, but, crap. 2 days + tips & I know we got some cash tips. Wait, what the hell, he should've had my cash tips in his little drawer there, the checks wouldn't be in until Saturday, but, the tips! My God the tips! ;) It's okay I'll just stop by Saturday and be like, bitch pay up... kidding, but I could seriously sue his ass. I never got one break, even on that incredible 9-5 Saturday last month... Yeah, quitting, that was a good call.

Anyway I put in an application @ Barnes & Noble just 'cause they were hiring and that might be fun. I'd rather work at Borders and I got an app there too but it's really long (the application, not the... uh store? I don't know what you would confuse that with, but it didn't really connect in my head, so) and the guy didn't even know if they were hiring, so, there you go I guess. I think I'm only gonna bother w/ stores that like, have signs out front you know? Otherwise it's not worth it... So far there's also Mervyns and Target. I just don't know about those two. I love Target like no other (no you don't understand, seriously, I love Target) and I don't want to ruin that lol. Mervyns just kinda sucks and yeah I know Barnes & Noble is really lame, huh? whatever.

I just really don't want to work @ a restaurant at all, so that kinda limits you. Plus I'm really lame and I don't want to drive 15 minutes to work lol. So maybe I'll just look around a bit more tomorrow I guess... yeah.

I was blasting "Mary" by Sarah McLachlan in my car today, and I just now realized that's probably a little weird. So into it though, greaaat song. ha I think I did get a few strange looks (window rolled down... that's right) but it was my ipod so I think Jay Z came up next ("I got 99 problems/but a bitch ain't one" - you think I wouldn't totally sing along to that... ohhh but I really, really do.) So maybe that gave me a bit more cred. Hard to say though.

I think I'm just going to put off really starting the workout/dieting thing until after my birthday (Sunday). I knowwww and I hate it too but it just doesn't make sense the other way... blah. I do hate saying that for the 10 millionth time...

Really, though, it just can't be a question anymore... I'm going to run and do pilates everyday that it's possible and just fucking eat better. You know, I heard this one lady who lost like more than 100 lbs say something like "I have to take it one day at a time. I had to take it one day at a time when I weighed 250 lbs and I have to take it one day at a time at 125 so I don't gain it back..." That's really just what it has to be. Literally for the rest of my life I have to wake up everyday and oh my god just try... So that's kinda going to be my new philosophy, 'one day at a time', you know? And I get how lame it is that I'm not "starting" that until Monday, but, yeah.

Basically this disregards the whole one day at a time thing, but I have 5 weeks until New York, 12 weeks until school starts. I really wanted to be down 20 lbs for vacation, but we'll see, anything close would be okay.

Yeah I'm ready. I'm going to just enjoy my whole birthday weekend thing and then... it's just going to happen. It has to...

"Do you ever get the feeling
That we started in the middle?
Or have you ever had the sense
That we've been lying just a little?
I mean, come on
It's not like we've known ourselves that long

And I can't say I really blame you
For being bored with the beginning
Always staring at the score
To figure out who's barely winning
But don't you know
There is a reason strong moves slow

And I'm okay
If you're okay with wasting time
But when you trace
You always see the bottom line

We are tracing
I hope you know
We are tracing

And if you want to know the moment
I knew that I was still alone
I found I never learned your number
I only stored it in my phone
You'd think by now
I'd know the shape of calling home..."

- John Mayer "Tracing" Bigger Than My Body [single]

ahhh in <33 with this song