I have never been so happy and at the same time kinda sad & reminiscent at the exact same time. I so want to capture this right now, and it's so hard because I haven't been able to focus at all today. But I want to tell you everything and I also want to write it out so I can feel it again and have it forever...

I graduated yesterday. I'm done with high school now, and wow, I don't even know if I completely get that yet. But the last week has been... I think... pretty much the best week of my life.

So the seniors' last day was Monday and while the underclassmen took finals Tues-Thurs we had little activities (breakfast, picnic, grad rehersal) mostly in the morning. So anyway on Monday my last high school class ever was with Jerry. (If you forgot, Jerry is the young, wonderful, amazing, adorable and sweet and sexy as hell teacher->friend I have had all 4 years). And my life is so full circle it's ridiculous. First day freshman year: 5th period with Jerry. Last day senior year: 5th period with Jerry (I'm his TA). Oh that's not all either, but ah I just love it. So since the class was taking the first part of their final we talked alot during the class while working on stuff, and I had him sign my yearbook. It was so funny 'cause while he's signing it he all of the sudden laughs really loud and I look @ him like "what are you doing?!" and he comes over to me and whispers (in a joking voice) "Punctuation matters, Allie..." So of course I go "What are you talking about?" and he says "I wanted to say that you are a great girl and a great friend and I accidently wrote 'you're a great girlfriend' so there is a comma in there somewhere, okay?!" I don't know if it transfers over to this, but it was really funny, trust me. ;)

Anyway, the whole signing is something like this: (it's next to my name in the index where I'm alphabetically #165)
"<--#165 in the index, but #1 in my heart
Natalie Marie, thank you so much for everything you've done for me, not only this year but since I've known you. You are a wonderful girl,friend, sister, TA, etc. I hope you enjoy whatever you decide to do. Visit me always and keep your great attitude forever..."

That's not exactly it, but the parts I remember are something like that. I mean he's a guy and my teacher so it's not going to be anything unbelieveable, but I love it. :)

And that's just the written stuff, this whole past week he's just been nonstop incredibly sweet to me... God he thinks I'm so much better than I actually am, and whatever of his praise I actually deserve is just really so much because of him. Anyway on Monday I knew he wanted to ask me to help him for a little while after school one day this week but didn't really want to actually ask because I was done and everything... so I just told him I would stop by Tuesday and help out with packing the room, grading finals, recording stuff, etc.

So I ended up going to see him Tues, Wed, and Thurs when his classes were done and we totally just hung out and talked and did all that finals/packing stuff for like 4 hours each day together... oh my gosh. We just got to know eachother so much better, and he told me stories about high school and college and gave me advice and told me how amazing I am and we just laughed and brought eachother CDs everyday and you know what? I'm just so happy we had that together. I mean we were close before but it's so different just being in a room with someone for 4 hours straight, 3 days in a row, you know? It felt like we bonded and I just completely fell for him all over again... I love knowing that we had that time and that we really know eachother like real friends now...

The craziest thing is how fully comfortable I was the whole time. I'm not shy but I'm also not the most outgoing person ever and I don't just always have tons of topics to talk about, but really with him I always had something, and if I didn't he did, and we just continuously talked and listened to the radio, giving song commentary too occasionally. :) It was soooo great. I can't even explain what that's like... I'm so lucky, so happy...

And then on Thursday after more talking/working he took me out to lunch! Oh let me tell you... I know it wasn't a date, he was just thanking me for helping him and it was just a different place to keep talking, but you know what? He took me out to lunch ;) Ahhh. Oh and yes he opened the car door, restaurant door, etc. for me. Godddd

And so Thursday was also graduation day (& he came!) so I went home, got dressed & went back to school. After we lined up I saw him and went over to say hi... got a nice little hug there! Just a quick thing 'cause I had to go graduate and all, but still. And then we had the whole graduation ceremony... I didn't fall... haha. But yeah it was really good. My English teacher found me before and gave me a hug and told me to really take it all in, so I kept doing that. And he also gave me my diploma (& another hug on stage 'cause he's the cutest... graduation is alot of hugs let me tell ya.) But I'm really glad it was him.

Anyway after graduation you walk around on the football field and take pictures with everyone, so I couldn't find Jerry for the longest time and I was pretty bummed 'cause he told me earlier that he wouldn't leave without seeing me, and then... I find him & he shouts "There she is!!" And gives me just the greatest, biggest hug ever... kind of a running into his arms and holding on to eachother really tightly thing... it was wonderful! And we took a picture together, he met my family and told them really sweet things about me, and then promised to come find me @ Grad Night (the school's party for us from 9:00pm-5:00am)... I was so happy, still am.

Then, okay get this. I'm at Grad Night (it's like 1am by now) with my friend Brenna and we're near the dance floor area and this band that graduated from our HS a few yrs ago starts playing "No Such Thing" (John Mayer song) and guess who walks thru the door towards me? Oh it was Jerry. I was like "Are you kidding? Do you just appear when a Mayer song starts playing?" And he laughs and says something like "Well it led me to you, right?" And by this point we're at like automatic hugging whenever we see eachother, so this one was more just a friendly side-thing, (I love how I describe every hug.. yeah I love it) but he put his arm around my waist and kept it there while we talked for awhile... Brenna took a pic of us (yay evidence lol)... then he had to go so we said goodbye, but it kinda made my night to see him again.

And finally earlier today (Friday) I had to go back to school to see him 'cause he lent me a CD the day before that I put into my computer & was bringing back for him, and we talked for awhile again and... I really don't want to jinx this, so I'm only saying it in here & know that I doubt it'll actually come through, but... I asked him if he wanted to see John Mayer with me this summer, and it really wasn't weird at all, which is great. But he is going out of town that weekend and he thought he would be coming back the day of the concert, so he wasn't sure it would work, but he really seemed like he wanted to go if he could back in time. So he got my cell phone # and said he will call when he figures it out... I hope if he calls I'm not driving... I will probably completely crash ;) Oh and then when I left he stood up and gave me another hug (really sweet and slower and I guess meaningful this time) and said "Thank you for everything, my girl."

But anyway, the concert - I don't know, it would be the best day of my life but I just really have this feeling it's not going to work out. That's okay though, because I decided that when he says he can't go, my next words will be... "well then we should do something else another time, okay?" and figure that out. I just have to establish this friendship, because I want to be friends with him for the rest of my life. I atleast want to talk to him this summer. I'm giving him 2 weeks to call (the concert is in 4 weeks) and then I'll go find him @ summer school and ask him again... haha. It's just that I really feel like now that he's not my teacher anymore we have to be friends and I have to work for that because I'm not guaranteed to see him everyday at school like the past 4 years. And obviously he's not going to pursue me, so, whatever he can't hate me or anything, right? We wouldn't have hung out for so long all week and he wouldn't have hugged me like 4 times in 2 days if he never wanted to see me again, right?

I just hope something works out before we leave on our trips this summer (his 10 yr reunion end of July, my vacation beginning of August). But he did tell me to come back when (his) school starts since mine doesn't start for a month after that so he can wish me good luck & everything. (Another hug? Oh maybe! haha)

Alright yes I know this is ridiculously long, but I may never have this again, and I want to be able to relive it atleast, if nothing else :) Wish me luck with the concert!

"And I knew then it would be
A life long thing...

And I'm so sad
Like a good book
I can't put this day back
A sorta fairytale
With you
A sorta fairytale
With you

Things you said that day,
Up on the 101,
The girl had come undone...

And I ride along side
And I rode along side
You then..."

- Tori Amos "A Sorta Fairytale" Scarlet's Walk

One of Jerry's CDs I borrowed... we have a "date" in 2 years to discuss it, according to him... sigh. :)