I am procrastinating doing my phsyics review worksheets. There are like 12 of them and I sooo don't want to even start.

I really want to quit my job and get one at Nordstrom. Well, actually get a job at Nordstrom and then quit mine because otherwise I would just be completely unemployed. It's probably so hard to get hired there, huh? But if I'm going to be working like full time this summer, I want to be doing something remotely enjoyable, or atleast something that gets me a discount and some kind of experience in fashion! I'll get an application tomorrow or Tuesday anyway. I called and asked if they were hiring and the girl said they were but didn't know it they still are, so... yeah it's not looking good, but, whatever. I might as well try. If I have to work full time @ my current job... ew :(

I don't know. I feel like I should have a better plan for this summer. All I really know is that I want to lose weight, shop in New York, get sick of the beach so I won't miss it when I leave, hang out with Brenna, and with Courtney, go to my John Mayer and Dave Matthews concerts, prepare for college (shopping & otherwise), and work on my french. I don't know. I also want to write this fiction story for Seventeen, and dance. Maybe I do have something of a plan.

I think I'm just scared because we had Friday off and these days have been feeling so much like summer, and it's less the "get me out of here (school)" and more the "oh, wait, maybe I will miss this a little." But, God, maybe it's just Jerry.

I hate that because everytime I get a little bit like... you know, he's not so perfect. Maybe I'm not as enamored with him as I think, maybe he's not so sweet and wonderful. This would be when he's yelling @ his class for being assholes (which they are and which they deserve, but that's still not the most attractive scene for anyone). And then they all leave and he talks to me and I melt again... and he is perfect and sweet and wonderful. Damn it, though.

I am going to have to get over him, huh? Eeesh, I don't think I can do that, I want to always be somehow near him. I just need him to talk to sometimes. Maybe he'll understand that and let me... I guess I'll find out. I have to find an opportunity to talk though, that's kinda difficult, actually.

Anyway. I got this gorgeous white leather purse last weekend. I <33 it... it was kinda expensive but I got it 15% off and whatever it's awesome! But now I hate all my other purses because they are shamed by the lovely new one. But this is what happens every time I buy something cute... like new clothes, and then I hate all my old ones. Yeah. Hopefully I'll find some good fakes in NY this summer... I have a couple Kate Spades but they're just boring black (the smaller one has zebra interior which is pretty cute, but eh). I really want a Louis Vuitton and my dreeeeam Chanel, but they usually just have the Kates. Kelsie found a Dolce & Gabbana, which was pretty cute. Anyway.

I have basically a week left of school.. I don't graduate till the 17th, but only come to school that Monday (I think it's basically yearbook signing day). I want to still come and help out Jerry, but we'll see if he even needs me. They're having some lame Senior Picnic & Senior Breakfast things but... oh my God Grad Night will be enough for me, thanks! Oh and even then. We'll see how that works out... 9:00pm - 5:00am of my friends... hopefully Brenna will stick w/ me atleast :)

I mentioned last time about my list of 50 things I want to do in my life. I haven't (nearly) finished it or anything, but I just thought of one of the things on it... I think I do want to get my little heart tattoo on the back of my hip. I'm 18 in July, so... it will be my one rebellious thing ever. And not even 'cause it's totally legal, lol.

Oh and can I say I am sooo sick of Kelsie and her thinking there's nothing wrong with how she treats me... Basically she just dropped me as a best friend, got a new one, and kept me on as like a "convenience friend" or something so she doesn't have to feel bad about it. This way she can tell me some things sometimes, but doesn't have to call or care, really. I think it just hurts so much because I've always wanted to have this amazing best friend who is a real, real best friend... and maybe I thought it was going to be her. And now I see that in a matter of months she and Michele have become closer that we ever were to each other. I don't know... I just hope that someday I'll get a real best friend.

"I don't know what it's like to land
And not race to your door...
Hold on to your hotel key
In a bedroom neighborhood
We're sleepwalking in Hollywood...
All the street lights say 'nevermind'
All the canyon lines say 'nevermind'
The sunset says 'we see this all the time, never mind, nevermind..."

- John Mayer "In Your Atmosphere/LA song"