I wonder if someday I'll look back at this all with a different perspective. I don't know. I can't even imagine ever breaking away from it right now.
I was walking with Michele today at break and we saw a girl sitting all by herself, reading, and Michele said "how sad," and I agreed... but really I was thinking how she's probably happier than me anyway. That my life would probably be better if I was sitting there alone too.
This never ends, huh? It just gets worse. I so don't want to be one of those people who thinks that's what life is like... but sometimes it just is I guess. I have never felt worse in my life... literally and completely sick about my "friends." Michele and Kelsie to be specific. And I keep fucking up the opportunities to talk to either of them about it. But it's not like anything could make it worse.
I'm going to talk to Kelsie tomorrow at lunch, definitely. I don't know what else to do except spend 45 minutes getting everything out. Because then atleast I have that much...
You know it has already been a million other things this year, but if you're curious about what happened this time... My school has this senior requirement thing where you can either do a project alone or w/ other people. I always wanted to do it with Kelsie or Michele or both or anything really and I always brought it up and they'd both say (separately) "yeah, but the group one is so much more work" so I just figured they were going to do the individual thing. Then yesterday I find out that they're planning on doing a group project together. And that's not even the worst part... their project is going to be planning Kelsie's (real) summer trip to Europe & pretending that Michele is going along. HMMM... why does that sound familiar? Oh, right, 'cause remember 2 years ago when me and Kelsie acutally went to Europe together and Michele was insanely jealous? Yeah, that's right.
OH MY GOD you have to be kidding me with this...
I keep telling myself this is why we're all going to college next year. Because oh my god how much longer can high school last? (Although it does sound a little more like freaking third grade to me). Just, wow. I know I don't deserve this... we have to figure something out 'cause it's just too much for me to be treated like this all the time.
Anyway, so speaking of college. I got into Cal Poly San Luis Obispo and UC Irvine :) They're technically my saftey schools, but still. Atleast I know I'm going somewhere... I don't even know why they're my safetys. I guess 'cause they're easier to get into, but aside from UCLA, which I will not get in to for sure, I never really ranked them. I don't know, we'll see I guess. I find out the rest of the decisions later this month.
Hopefully by this time tomorrow I won't feel like throwing myself off a bridge. :
"But I cannot forget,
Refuse to regret,
So glad I met you and
You take my breath away,
Make everyday worth all of the pain
That I have gone through
...
And sometimes it's a sad song."
- Maroon5 "The Sun" Songs About Jane