Have I mentioned that I am so glad that I am not going to this Winter Ball dance?? They were all talking about where to go to dinner at break today and it was this whole drama 'cause half of them want to go to a really nice place & the other half are like um, no, I'm not going to spend $40 on dinner, etc.
But it's freaking hilarious in a way, to me that is, because basically since it's girl-asks-guy style, when it comes down to it most of them are essentially paying the guys to go with them. ;) Well Michele is atleast (she's going with her brother's friend, the rest are atleast kind of going with their own friends & Nicole w/ her bf). I mean, if I was going, I would basically be spending like $20 for the ticket and apparently $80 on dinner just for some random guy I don't even like. Ha, no, I think not. I would do it for a boyfriend and I would do it for a best friend. But I would not do it just so I can say I went to a random high school dance with a random guy and a group of people who I don't even completely like being around. I am so not that pathetic. I will not ever pay a guy to go out with me, even indirectly like this.
I'm glad I'm not bummed about it. That would have sucked. Not to be happy about being single and alone or anything (definitely not), but if nothing else atleast not having a boyfriend and not having perfect friendships has made me okay with being independent and self relient and all. I mean I still really, really want a boyfriend and good friends. But I guess it has all made me stronger and more self aware, I guess? Like I am definitely not a follower or popularity starved and aside from the whole weight issue I definitely know who I am and am happy with it. I realize this is kind of a lame entry, but it just seems like I've grown up alot lately... haha. It's definitely good. Makes me feel more ready for things, college.
Damn I want a boyfriend though! I keep thinking about the Train video... And I know I said all that stuff before about being okay with not going to the dance. But really what I mean is that the only way I'm going to be completely okay with it (..lol) is if I go to Prom with a boyfriend. I have to have to have to go. I'm graduating this year and I have been to zero high school dances. Senior Prom is, I need to go, basically. There's really no other option with that... Besides for Michele to see me with a boyfriend at Prom would be perfect :) Yeah, I know I'm still a little immature.
Especially (well only) if I am skinny.
So this weekend is going to be all about me, because I have absolutely nothing to worry about (finals over) and I will be going through everything about me and analyzing my eating problems and just thinking and writing down and planning how I am going to lose weight. Next semester is going to be different and I am going to really try and figure out how to make it better. It's my last semester of HS after all :)
I'm listening to VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the Past 25 Years radio station and it's on U2's "With or Without You"... this song almost makes me cry... it's soo amazingly pretty and of course with the Ross and Rachel breakup association... they taped the last episode today I think. Oh my God what will I ever do without Friends? I should really be more concerned with my actual life than my TV life, but... that's what this weekend is about then I guess :)
"See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you...
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you..."
- U2 "With or Without You" The Joshua Tree