So I don't even know what to do anymore. I just feel like giving up on my friends because it seems like I'm being hurt and crying practically every weekend and I really don't deserve it...

Yesterday we had a surprise birthday dinner for one of our friends, Lauren. Friday night Kelsie calls me and tells me the plan & I can hear Michele in the background calling someone else, so obviously they're doing this together. Later, I put it all together and basically Kelsie & Michele slept over @ Michele's and spent the entire Saturday together with Nicole (Michele's best friend), shopping for birthday presents for Lauren. Of course nobody includes me in this, despite the fact that us 4 are Mich & Nic, best friends, Kels & me, best friends, & doing stuff with 3/4 would be kinda fucked up. But before I found out about this, like an hour before dinner, I called Kelsie's cell and asked if she wanted to come over or do something afterwards, you know, 'cause she's my best friend, right?! And she completely blew me off, like "yeah I don't know what we're doing after... gotta go." So I'm like... okay, whatever, and I just go to the restaurant.

Erin & 2 guys that are more Lauren & Erin's friends are already there & Nicole comes right after I do. So Michele & Kelsie are picking up Lauren together of course. Then Michele, Kelsie & Lauren get to the restaurant and Kelsie & Michele sit together at the furthest end of the table away from me. Kelsie doesn't even say hi to me. My supposed best friend doesn't say a word to me the entire dinner. The whole thing was incredibly depressing and horrible... I felt like the biggest loser in the world. I mean I freaking talked to them all about this like a month ago.

How can my best friend treat me like this? I mean, I'm fine with her hanging out with other friends, that's not what hurts me. What hurts me is that she doesn't want to hang out with me. She hardly ever calls. And that it always seems like I'm purposely discluded from things for no apparent reason, so what am I supposed to think? I know alot of this is Michele, but when I talked to her about it awhile ago she totally reassured me that we were definitely best friends & she was so sorry. What the hell? I don't want to keep forgiving her and being hurt over and over... I don't deserve that, and I can't take it forever.

I'm not even mad at her, I just don't understand why she apparently doesn't want to be around me if I'm definitely her best friend or whatever. Does she not understand how much it hurts to come home and just cry because your best friend doesn't even speak to you once @ a dinner?! I know she's not mad at me or ignoring me, she was just too busy talking to Michele.

Godddddddddd. I want to be her friend so much. We're soo close @ school and everything, but how am I supposed to take this stuff? But if she doesn't want to be my best friend anymore, then I have to know so I can give up. It hurts so much to watch her act like best friends with Michele and not at all with me. I feel like I have nothing. I can't just go back to school and pretend like I'm okay, I feel completely horrible about myself and knowing that they're all completely clueless of that. My heart literally hurts and I feel sick about all this ... why is it the story of my life??

"Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms, open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive."

- Maroon5 "Sweetest Goodbye" Songs About Jane