I am so over high school sometimes. God, why bother? It's so pathetic, like 95% of the time I'm thinking about what I look like and what everyone thinks of me. I spend waaaay too much time caring about how practically all my friends are much better friends with each other than they are with me. Sometimes I honestly think that if I just stopped putting effort into it, they wouldn't care.

I know that's cynical. But sometimes you just think... And there you go. Whatever.

I really just want to get hot and stop caring. Freaking move on. Wow I never thought I would be so damn ready for college. HS is not sweet and comfy anymore. It's a pain in the ass.

But someday I'll look back and cry 'cause part of me loves it, I know. And I'll miss...him...of course. He's my heart <33 But I'm not too worried. I could never really look at him with "goodbye forever." I don't think I'm physically (emotionally? mentally?) able to close that chapter. Knowing me I'll talk to him more often than anyone else from HS.

Isn't it funny how you can change someone's life so much and not know it? How you can basically be the defining factor in someone's personality and just be clueless. It just seems crazy. huh.

Anyway, God I haven't even submitted any applications and I'm already talking about missing HS people. Yeah that sounds about right. :)

Why do I feel like I need some sort of definite plan in order to lose weight? I know exactly what to do... it's so simple. Not easy, but simple, like everything else in the world. And I know how much it would do for me. I know how I've been wanting it for, what, 4 years now? And I know it's only going to get worse. And I know how damn hot I would be if I lost weight. Yeah, yeah, whatever, but it's true. ;) And I'm so sick of wasting these years away crying about how much better life would be.

If I lost weight I would be hot -> then I would be confident -> and I would be happier (not being depressed about my friends) -> then I would be more attractive to guys -> then I could get a boyfriend -> then I could get kissed/go to a dance/go to Prom... etc.

There are really no drawbacks besides not having an excuse for everything anymore. But I'm sick of that.

"Your mother was born in December
On the one sunny day that winter gave up
She had warm summer eyes
That flickered like fireflies when she stared at the world
...
These nights I get high just from breathing
When I lie here with you I'm sure that I'm real
Like that firework over the freeway
I could stay here all day but that's not how you feel."

- Something Corporate "Walking By" Audioboxer