Hi, sorry it's been forever since an update, I've been pretty busy tho. SATs were on saturday, studying before then. Now I can move on to apps & admissions essays. Yay.

Anyway, oh my god I swear I will never lose any weight. It (meaning dieting) lasts for like 3 days @ a time. I really don't know what I am going to do about this. Something, I know, I have to. I wish I could just get away from food completely, you know? Like if I was an alcoholic I wouldn't buy alcohol or go to bars or drinking parties, right? So... get me the hell away from this damn food!

Whatever. I just have to suck it up and get over my excuses... I know.

Why does it bother me that my best friend is closer to Michele than I am? Why do I have to get jealous when I figure out that they talked on the phone yesterday?

It's times like these when I wish I had a boyfriend. Not to complain about all this to or anything, but just to have as an escape or something. Like when I'm sick of my friends (how sad am I?) I can have someone to go to who will make me forget everything. I would love that, really.

But it's not that bad, my friends I mean. I just refuse to let myself get caught up in it again, it's all my own stupid jealous fault anyway, they're not to blame.

And I'm really trying to start getting perspective on things. I have 2 quote things that I've been trying to go with...
1. "Ask yourself 'So What?' Think, will this really matter in 10 years? 2 weeks? 15 minutes?"

2. "I always pride myself in being bigger than the moment... but right now I'm a 15 year old kid and this moment is kicking my ass." (John Mayer Grammy speech)

#1 is good when something makes me mad or jealous... It makes me realize how worthless petty things are in the big scheme of things. And #2 is a) adorable and b) right on. I've been trying not to let things overwhelm me, remembering that I am in control & all that dorky stuff. I know. It's helpful though. :)

The Homecoming dance is Saturday. Obviously (ughhh I hate my pathetic self sometimes) I'm not going. Wish I was but what can you do? As long as I go to the Prom. That's my theme song, guys. I will steal Rachel (my older sister)'s boyfriend if that's what it takes!

Oh I almost forgot. Christina! Seriously awesome job on the weightloss, sweetheart. I'm so proud ;) Oh & ½ the kids at my school have new BMWs too, lol. A Cal. thing, I guess?? And SC rocks, so funny you mentioned that 'cause I've been listening to Leaving Through the Window like 10x a day lately.

More updates. Promise! As long as you all do the same.

"Staring into the intersection
She thinks that she can fly,
And she might.
Holding on in a new direction,
She's gonna try it tonight..
The closer I get to feeling,
The further that I'm feeling from alright..
The more I step into the sun,
The more I step out of the light.

Something Corporate "Straw Dog" Leaving Through the Window