Today was better, eating-wise atleast. I am just going to have to get over the whole diet idea & just actively try to lose weight everyday. My mom & I are having a competition to see who can go the longest without eating any junk food... I can win it :)

But what is up with my social life? I must sound like such a loser given the amount of complaining I do in here. But I don't think anything sucks more than feeling like you don't really have any real friends. I mean, it's usually fine I guess, but at lunch I was with Nicole, Michele & Kelsie and I guess (?? from what I picked up) Michele likes some guy now, and of course everybody knows this but me and of course they realize I'm clueless & still don't tell me, and of course they talk about it secretly right in front of me.

Do they have some kind of superiority complex? Does it make them feel better when I'm out of their cool, inclusive loop? How fucked up is that?

And then of course I'm a little pissed about this, I mean, it seriously hurts, alot. And the worst part is I have been kinda suspecting this for awhile from little things that Kelsie has let slip or whatever so I gave Michele sooo many opportunities to tell me... I wanted so badly to give this girl the benefit of the doubt, because I truly believed her that we were friends again & that everything that goes w/ that title was included, you know? I flat out asked her if there were any guys she's liking or pursuing for Homecoming, etc.

I feel like such the loser unwanted one. And I hate that! What did I do for that?! Did they really have to act like that right in front of me, too? So obvious, so damn mean! :(

But I can't hold grudges or be mad for longer than the rest of the day... they never catch on anyway... or maybe they do and just don't care. Either way, really. I tear myself apart about this crap and when it comes down to it what can I do? Tomorrow if I am alone w/ Michele @ some point I will say "is there a guy you like or something? What's going on?" And at lunch I will force my way into the conversations damn it! Being quiet and mad gets me noooowhere, so.

Dance was sooo hardcore today. Well it wasn't any more than usual I guess but I was just exhausted or something, I don't know. Everybody was a little out of it. It was hot in the studio I kept getting dizzy 'cause she made us do our turns over and over b/c nobody was really kicking ass at em. But it was good exercise I guess! :)

I must start dancing everyday (@ home atleast). It's really the only exercise I truly like, mostly because it's predominantly music oriented which I love <33

yay Grace (Debra Messing) won the Emmy last night! She looked so pretty. Jennifer Aniston did too, as always. The show was horrible tho. So boring and not funny, except for Ellen Degeneres' part.

I can't wait for tomorrow, Dave Matthews Some Devil. And I read somewhere JM's gonna be on the cover of Rolling Stone but I don't know how credible that is. And the *new* Gilmore Girls premiere, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, & Newlyweds... I <3 Tuesday tv... I'm so pathetic, huh? oh well :)


"And airports see it everyday
When someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
'Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose
And that's the way this wheel keeps working. . .
I won't be the last
To love her."

- John Mayer "Wheel" Heavier Things

(the airport rose! my dream!)