Well, I am feeling much better today! I just decided that as far as Michele goes, what I wrote in the card I sent yesterday gets across the point that I was just as much hurt by her as she was from me last year and that I am not accepting all of the blame. What else can I do? I just have to trust that I have done all that I can or want to and now it is up to her. Whatever happens is for a reason.

As far as the weightloss - I can do this. I am absolutely not giving up. I re-read my whole diary & just realized that I never want to go back to where I was... I want my body to be something I am confident in, just like I am confident in my personality & abilities, generally speaking :)

I did my Winsor Pilates 20 min. workout this morning, and I decided that I really want to stick with it everyday for the next 2 weeks. This is for 3 reasons:
1. I am curious about the results I would get (has to be something, right?)
2. I need to stick with an exercise plan, and Pilates is the most appealing to me. I don't hate doing it, it's not all sweaty & gross, & it's only 20 minutes a day
3. It will help me be more flexible for dance

As far as eating, I just have to stick it out for awhile. Try to be on plan everyday so if I have a random slip up it won't be tragic. It's not that hard. I can manage. I mean I actually like the foods that I eat (Cream of Wheat, soup, egg whites, nonfat yogurt & apples) so I can deal.

It's worth it. It's worth getting to wear A&F 4s :)

"How'd I end up feeling so bad
For such a little girl?
And I hold you close in the back of my mind
Feels so good, but damn it makes me hurt
And I'm too scared to know how I feel about you now
La Cienega just smiles...
See you around."

- Ryan Adams "La Cienega Just Smiled" Gold